Grace: Misunderstood
28 May 2015 at 15:17 1
grace-misunderstood I grew up as a "Christian" - I believed in Jesus, because that's what my mom told me. By the time I was 13, the idea of a God creating me was appealing, and I chose to love him. By 17, I could no longer live up to his standard, so I turned away from him. Finally, I met my husband and got married, and we found a church together and started taking Jesus and life seriously. I thought by then, I had it down. Then my world was rocked just a little bit, and over a couple of years I slipped away. How could a God who loves me not let me have children? I went to church and was involved regularly. I was mostly good, and where I wasn't, I knew I was only human and needed God for that very reason. I believed he'd forgiven me for my rebellion in my teen years, so it wasn't that either. So it must be that he wasn't anything I believed him to be. I felt I wasn't good enough - I wasn't serious enough about church, I wasn't doing enough quiet time, I wasn't ready to go up into Africa to give my life for him. That must be why. Everyone at church was perfect and happy, and life just seemed like one big lie. Truthfully, I was only lying to myself and misunderstood grace completely. I believed the love and adoration of this Jesus needed to be earned, and I had to achieve certain things to be worthy enough. Even after all the years in my church hearing about Jesus, learning about Jesus and even TEACHING about Jesus I did not get it! The love for us, from God, is there - it always was and it always will be. We cannot earn it; we cannot lose it.  We think we need to be good enough, but no matter what we do, we aren't - but he loves us anyway. We fail him daily with our thoughts and actions, big and small - but he still loves us. There is always someone much worse, and there is always someone much better - but he loves us all the same. How can we do anything but adore and serve this awesome God who loves us so much? He never promised us sunshine and no rain. Never ever ever. In fact he says:
In this world you will have troubles... But take heart! I have overcome the world!
So what is grace then? What is happening when prayers aren't answered and tragedy strikes? It's life, but Jesus is right beside us holding our hands and drying our tears, because he loves us. That is Grace. And when we embrace it, we have a promise of eternity with God. All the pain will be gone. You see, I thought I could earn favour with God by doing the right things, but I can't! It's impossible. It's already there, and I just needed to accept it. The the pain is now bearable, I feel less alone, and I have eternity to look forward to. That is grace.
Pure Delight
23 April 2015 at 07:40 0
imageI was reminded on Sunday, a few days after bringing home our son, of God's faithfulness. In 2 short years, I went from being blind and ignorant, to a little less blind and ignorant.

"Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart". Psalm 37:4

In the turmoil I faced not being able to have children, God spoke to me and gave me this verse. I convinced myself for so long that God didn't want me to have children - I should be happy without it, but it was still killing me. In the midst of my despair, He reached out and spoke to me, and through some divine intervention, I finally understood it. Delight in the Lord. My whole heart attitude changed, and I began to truly delight in our Saviour. For so long I thought I wasn't worthy, and that this was a punishment. I misunderstood it completely. You'd think growing up in the church, I would've known better, but it's a different scenario when you're the one actually drowning. We are worthy. No matter what we've done, no matter how many times we've screwed up or even been angry at God, he still loves us. When I finally got it, I was able to take true delight in Him and then, in His perfect timing, life began falling into place.

"There is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less." - Philip Yancey

We decided on adoption, and met our daughter a few days later. She came home with us 2 weeks after that. I struggled with parenthood and the loss of having my 'own' child, but still I steadily looked for God, in wonder and in anger. He still heard me and He still answered my prayers, and saved me from myself. Two years later, God gave me the verse again, 3 days after bringing our son home.

"Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart". Psalm 37:4

My Faith
11 November 2014 at 22:34 1

This post has been on my heart for a while, but it has been so difficult to write because I know most people either know this, don't want to or don't care. But this conviction has been heavy on my heart, because something so wonderful cannot be kept to myself. So I hope if you're one of those that think this is lame, untrue or can't be bothered reading, you will just spare a couple of minutes to hear me out, just this once.

Did you know you are incredibly, unconditionally loved? I know this as fact no matter how "lame" you think it is. There is a God who has been with you since the day you were born, through the good and bad times in your life, even through the awful things you may have done, and his love has always remained the same. Whether you have hated him, kept him at a distance or believed what will be will be, he loves you. There is no one who loves you as much as he loves you today.

It has taken me 27 years to 'get this', and I am sure my understanding is still limited. My life was ruled by rebellion and guilt, because I actually always believed in Him, but I didn't feel like I was worthy of who I believed he was. That was my own battle. And instead of accepting his love, the guilt and lies told me I wasn't good enough, so instead of running toward this love, I ran away from it.

As I sit here typing this, I cannot recall any radical event in my life that brought this on - no blinding light, or vivid dream of God telling me to wake up! It has been a gentle nudge since the day I was born, of God calling me to be by his side, and then finally turning to him when all hope was lost. And he still changed my life and showed me his love, despite everything I had ever done.

You have an inheritance to this love, just as much as I do, whether you believe, understand or think you deserve it or not.

Talking about my faith is so tricky, not because no one really asks (and I really don't I hide it), but it's so taboo and people are so scarred by man. I was reminded tonight that our hope and trust is not in man, but in Jesus the Son of God, and all the things that are man-made - especially religion - with the best intentions mostly take us away from God.

When I started to come out of my depression, God revealed how much he loved me, just the way I was. I'm still nothing special, not on human-standards anyway, but to Jesus I am so loved and I've learned to love my humour and other 'plain' talents because He gave them to me. And the point I'm really trying to get across is that it applies to you as well, no matter where in your life you are right now. If he can love someone like me, make someone like me a mom to a beautiful little girl and change my insignificant life, he can do it for anyone.

And if you think this 'Jesus' thing isn't for you, you're wrong. If you think there are too many unanswered questions, you're wrong. If you think giving your heart and life to Jesus will spoil and take the fun out of life, you are so wrong.

I read a book called "More Than A Carpenter" which is about an atheist who was bent on proving Jesus was not our God and saviour, and in doing so, he proved it was in fact true. If something like this interests you, I will be happy to purchase the book for you and have it sent to you (Kindle and Hard Cover). I loved it, and I am really happy to buy you a copy.

Please send me an email if you would like me to send you the book. If you have any question whatsoever, you can also email me or leave a comment. I would love to get in touch.